How family patterns hold us captive.

Our subconscious frequently harbours strong, unseen allegiances to our moms, grandmothers, and even great-grandmothers. These loyalties have the power to unwittingly lead us to replicate their experiences, pains, and emotional traumas. These unseen bonds, sometimes referred to as "hidden loyalties", show themselves in two primary ways that frequently trap us and restrict our autonomy and capacity to create our own lives.

1. "I will suffer if you suffer."

This represents implicit loyalty's initial extreme. In these situations, we have a strong desire to stand with our mother or grandmother and bear their anguish and suffering as if it were our own. Whether consciously or unconsciously, we determine that replicating their lives is the most effective approach to assist them. This could entail enduring adversity, sacrificing our personal happiness, or even going through similar relationship or health setbacks. Women that exhibit this tendency frequently feel as though they are bearing the weight of earlier generations. Because they can relate to their experiences so well, they believe that in order to maintain the family link, they must also endure hardship.

You might assume, "If your grandmother suffered so much, then I must suffer too," for instance, if she endured significant loss or deprivation. Unconsciously, you can be partially or completely reliving her life out of loyalty and compassion.

2. "I don't want to be a wife and mother if this is the cost."

Rejecting the life you have observed in women from earlier generations is the opposite of implicit allegiance. On a fundamental level, you might conclude that this life is not for you if women in your family have gone through a great deal of sorrow and suffering, such as losing children or living with an abusive partner. Because you unconsciously link intimacy, relationships, and parenthood to suffering, you might steer clear of them.

For example, if your grandmother lost multiple infants, you can unconsciously link your destiny to the same fate. You may conclude that removing yourself from the concept of a family and kids is the best way to escape this suffering. In an attempt to shield yourself from the same tragedy, you consequently automatically reject love relationships or put off having children.

How can we know what is true?

Our bodies frequently contain these ingrained, familial habits. Our bodies can offer important answers once we start to consider and investigate them. Examine how your body reacts to the many theories you are putting out. You have touched on something important when you experience a strong reaction, such as tension, heaviness, or quick breathing.

Consider the following two scenarios, for instance:

You lead a life that is similar to that of your mother or grandmother.

You lead a life in which you make decisions that differ from those of past generations and choose your own course.

How does each of these thoughts affect your body? In certain situations, a heaviness in your gut or chest could indicate secret loyalties that are imprisoning you. It might be time to break free from old habits if the idea of living your own way makes you feel relieved.

Freeing Yourself from Secret Loyalties

Though it may appear to be an act of love and respect, bearing the load of our predecessors frequently just serves to prolong misery for future generations. To truly honour the mothers, grandmothers, and women who came before us, we must follow our own path and create happy, fulfilling lives. By recognising these trends, comprehending their causes, and deciding to act differently, we can overcome the weight of covert allegiances.

By building a better and more satisfying future for ourselves, we are honouring our family's lives rather than rejecting them.

With therapy from the right therapist, you can break free of repetitive patterns.